Lolita

i was standin' around
like one of those girls i had seen in a movie
the whole world was a movie back then
i had my sunglasses on
i wanted to be seen without seeing
Shy Lolita
i wasn't really in it
i didn't really get it
i was every single girl, i was nobody else
i was so sure of myself
i was fifteen and a half
he was a hollow laugh

and i lost my cool
somewhere along the way
the nightmare down the hallway
i had to learn how to look away
i lost my cool
no electricity
hot rain on the concrete
and sweet melting little girl dreams

they said
oh i want a big life
not a 'how sad coulda been' life
where are you taking me, where are you taking me
i say
everything i do i feel farther removed from my old life
where is it taking me, where is it taking me

i was standin' on my best friend's balcony
feelin' a certain kinda wise at seventeen
thinking the flare on the lens was the real thing
she was with her boyfriend in the back room
i was chain-smoking cigarettes and looking at the moon
thought i was really in it
i didn't really get it

i lost my cool
somewhere around the bend
it started making less sense
holding onto all that innocence
i lost my cool
i found it in a chemical dream
the whole world is a movie screen
and hudson avenue's melting

i say
oh i want a big life
not a 'how sad coulda been' life
where are you taking me, where are you taking me
i say
everything i do i feel farther removed from my old life
where is it taking me, where is it taking me

a portrait of my mother
she says
stay young, stay young, stay young, stay young
i see my baby brother
i just come undone
it's some life i been living
you don't know 'til you're in it
then all of a sudden
you can't get
get back
back out
run
run away

oh i want a big life  
not a 'how sad coulda been' life
where are you taking me, where are you taking me  
i say  
everything i do i feel closer to some kind of new life  
where is it taking me, where is it taking me

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